Can you talk about the day you walked out of the hospital after doctors told you you would never walk again?
The day I walked out of the hospital, I feel like it was like April 17, 2003. That was definitely a really powerful moment for me, but also a free moment because I always kept the promise to myself and to my doctor, saying that I wasn't going to leave the hospital until I walked again.
How were you able to make a promise to yourself, even after the doctor told you that you would never walk again?
The fact that I was able to keep that promise was huge. It’s become a part of my DNA. The feeling of being able to walk out of the hospital even with crutches and walk back to the car and get home and walk back into my house was pretty crazy. If you think about it, before I went to the hospital, I left my house in a stretcher, then went in an ambulance and then because of that promise I was able to walk back into my house three months later. I’m glad you asked me that question because It’s definitely a day I honestly don't think about as much as I should. There's so much positivity in that moment.
Can you expand on your quote with The Red Bulletin, “No struggle or injury defines who you are.”
Yeah, totally, and I appreciate that. You know, for me, I think who you are just kind of comes out through different events in your life. And that event is not who you are. Right? I am not my spinal cord injury, my spinal cord injury happened to me. But that's just kind of like a tattoo or a badge of honor. Something I bring with me into whatever room like when a soldier goes to war, and then they come back, and they receive a medal of honor. The badge represents the struggles and the trials and tribulations they went through.
Where are you at with your injury, your mentality and mental health?
This year, being my 20th anniversary, I reflected a lot this year because 20 years is a long time. I'm really proud of where I am. There's still an insane amount of progress that I'm planning on making, both mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So, there's always a challenge. I wake up today, and there's still a challenge to get better, there's still a hunger to get better in all those different capacities.
Can you talk more about the inner battles you face each day?
It has been difficult for me within the past several years, because, unfortunately, my spinal cord brought on type-one diabetes, and just to keep it like super, super raw and real, I f**king hate that. I would rather just deal with my spinal cord injury because I felt as though it was manageable. I was very used to the hard work and the physical aspect of it. It was working on the mental aspect of my recovery with my spinal cord injury, but once I got diagnosed with type-one diabetes, after being in the best shape of my life, and being in the best position in my life, with my spinal cord injury, it brought me back in terms of progress. I had to rebuild myself again. That's been a very real struggle and unfortunately something that I have to carry with me for the rest of my life now that I wasn't really prepared for.
Being someone who is such an inspiration to people, who inspires you?
I'll tell you something, a huge part of me, my mentality and why I'm the way that I am is because one of my best friends in college, who was diagnosed with brain cancer his junior and senior year; his name was Will Razarifi. When he was diagnosed with brain cancer, he still went to USC, he still took all of his tests, he actually ended up being the valedictorian, even though he passed away his senior year. We had bracelets made for him that said willpower, and so I tattooed that on the inside of my left foot so I walk with him every day. And one of his last essays that he wrote, was titled “Why Not Me?” Because when he went to chemotherapy at UCLA Children's Hospital, he at first was like, you know, why me? Why me? Why me? Like, why was I the person that has to go through this? But then he was looking around and he saw all these other kids, younger kids. And he was like, “Man, if I could take cancer away from one kid, then I can die happy.” And he thought, why not me? Why not it be me to be the one who goes through this and not somebody else. And that's honestly the same way that I've thought about my spinal cord injury and my type-one diabetes and everything. I'm built for this shit. I know I can handle it. I definitely have some moments of frustration and what may feel to me as weakness, but that's when I'm really at my strongest. I allow myself to feel everything and I f**king strap up and I get ready to fight. That's what I do.
That’s incredibly inspiring and thank you for being so candid. Can you talk about what you’re planning to do in honor of the 20th anniversary of your injury?
This year I decided I wanted to celebrate every month this year and raise some money along the way. Every year for my spinal cord injury I do something that proves to myself that I'm unstoppable. That the only person that can stop me is me. On my 10 year anniversary, I did a long-ass hike for like three hours. I didn't realize what I got myself into until I finished it, laughs. And so after my 10 year anniversary till now, every year I've done whether it be a bike ride, or a hike or even golf afterwards, I'm always pushing myself to do as many things in that day to remind myself the only limitations that I have in my life are the ones that I put on myself.
What did you want to push yourself with this year being your 20th anniversary?
This year, I rode 20 miles on my bike with my dad and my brother and then I ended up playing golf afterwards, which was fun as well. But then I decided I'm gonna do 20 miles on the bike, every month this year. And sure enough, I've kept up with that. And that was like my way of keeping people updated on my journey, posting some videos and TikToks and stuff about my ride with a little inspirational message at the end in terms of what I was thinking about during the ride.
What does it mean to be supporting Wings for Life? And the type of community and support it represents for SCI?
Just supporting Wings for Life and the hope for a cure. And a cure is so misunderstood and broad. I don't think that there's ever going to be like one magical pill or one cure. A cure really is defined by whoever receives. A cure could be for a quadriplegic, being able to move their fingers or hands or shoulders for the first time or being able to use the bathroom, whether it be having control of their bowel and bladders or sexual function, or whatever it may be. So a cure is really broad, and we all kind of define what a cure means. And even that extra percentage of improvement for anybody with a spinal cord injury and letting them know that they're not fighting this alone, that I'm fighting it with them. And I have no problem taking that torch and charging up this mountain to find a cure.
Wings for Life is a non-profit spinal cord research foundation, and in general, provides a really good platform for education on spinal cord injuries. They create a great platform and spaces to just communicate with other people that have spinal cord injuries. They put on a great event with the Wings for Life World Run, which is amazing. I've been to a couple events and done an event with my buddy, at like four o'clock in the morning, where we just rode our bikes until we couldn't anymore.
Seems like you and Wings for Life are really putting humanity back into the equation.
There are so many different levels of what a cure is. And one thing that I wanted to bring up is that the cure starts with you. Like literally, if you look at the word, the letter U is in the middle of it. So you are part of the cure. Just as much as people in laboratories – we still have to do our work. And that's what I'm proving, on my behalf, is that whatever the “cure” is, ready, please believe that I'm going to be ready. I'm doing the work as well. We can't just stay stagnant. I'm not just talking about people with spinal cord injuries, I'm talking about everybody. So, whatever that definition of cure is for somebody, just know you are part of it.
Like, everybody has a different injury, nobody's injury is the same. So that's what I mean by like, everybody's fighting their own fight, but the, “big boss” of spinal cord injuries, that's what we're all fighting against, collectively.
How does your injury play a role in your music?
That's a great question and for me, again, it's more so that my injury is part of my music but isn't my music. For example, the one thing that I really, really, can't wait for and am working for every day is the ability to be recognized by my peers on a major level, whether it be winning a Grammy or winning an Oscar. Being able to walk up there and show people that it doesn't matter that I have a spinal cord injury, or that I was paralyzed, that I have type one diabetes or whatever. I did it and anybody can follow whatever dreams they have because the only person that can stop us is yourself.
I've never let that stop me from achieving anything I wanted to achieve. If I put my heart and my mind to it, I'm gonna make it happen. When it comes to music, I can draw from certain experiences of triumphs, sadness and all the different emotions that I've had with my spinal cord injury, and interject that into whether it be, lyrics or melody, or production.
So, kind of, in a way, I guess you could look at my spinal cord injury as a cheat code for emotions. You can trust I've had a lot of them and I embrace all of my emotions. Creating art is all about embracing your emotions and realizing that when you feel like you're the weakest, that's when you're the strongest. In music when you're able to do so you're now giving a voice to people who feel like they're voiceless. And that's to me, like, the beauty of music is. I feel like I'm a leader or a mouthpiece for people, I just amplify the voice.