Games
Where does the Nintendo Switch fit in the pantheon of Nintendo systems?
In case you didn’t notice, there’s a new Nintendo console, landing just four years after the last one. The Nintendo Switch is here, and with it comes the greatest launch game in more than 20 years, if not ever. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild has crashed straight into Metacritic’s GOAT list, and unless a lot of people have a weird fondness for udder milking simulations and the other strange mini games of 1-2-Switch that we’ve missed, it’s safe to say it’s going to be the main system seller for some time to come.
But a console is more than its flagship launch title, more even than its entire catalogue. It’s a combination of games, hardware, imagination and, yes, both marketing and memories. Some systems become greater than the sum of their parts; others turn out to be a disappointing mixture. So where does the Switch fit in? Is it another Nintendo classic or another dismal flop? With the Switch now four days old, what better time to answer all (well, most) of these questions, and what better way than by empirically ranking every Nintendo console, home and handheld, ever made? None that we can think of.
Naturally, we’re going worst to best, and this list's of course not in any way subjective. No. Let’s get started.
12. Nintendo Virtual Boy
No surprises here. Considering the nausea issues surrounding VR and screen latency have still to be fully solved in 2017, it’s not exactly controversial to say that Nintendo were at least two decades too early with their own virtual reality headset when it debuted back in 1995. It may not be the worst console of all time (Mario’s Tennis was pretty fun, and who could forget the Philips CD-i? Oh you did? Sorry to bring that up), but the Virtual Boy was certainly one of the most unpleasant to play for any meaningful length of time.
11. Nintendo Wii
It might seem absurd to suggest that Nintendo’s current woes started with the third biggest selling home console of all time (after the first two Sony PlayStations), but in retrospect, it’s fair to say the Wii was a critical failure, if not a commercial one.
Its low price point and unusual motion sensing controls – not to mention the charming Wii Sports bundled into every box – meant it sold like, well, a Nintendo console, but just as others have found before, and Microsoft has found with Kinect sense, gamers really do prefer the comfort of sitting on the sofa and playing with a controller. Developers struggled to create meaningful gameplay loops that didn’t feel gimmicky, and outside of the two sublime Super Mario Galaxy titles, its back catalogue is almost entirely forgettable.
Worse still, its early success convinced Nintendo that maybe it didn’t need to compete on specs with the likes of Sony and Microsoft (and thus forego all of the third party blockbusters that make a console a true success), maybe it didn’t need a well fleshed out online platform still, maybe the Wii was actually a good name. What followed was the Wii U, a catastrophic commercial failure. Speaking of which:
10. Wii U
We’re only putting the Wii U above the Wii because we love Splatoon so much, and it’s just been blessed with a port of the new Zelda. But low specs, a niche, expensive and unwieldy screen-toting GamePad controller, struggling online features and a lack of AAA-must have games from third-party developers meant that if any Nintendo console deserved to fail, it was this one.
Compared to the Xbox One and PlayStation 4, which would launch less than a year after the Wii U, Nintendo’s console was severely underpowered and suffered from a terrible name – you can bet plenty of consumers confused the original Wii and the Wii U, or thought the Wii U was some kind of add-on or extension to its predecessor instead of a whole new console. Still, the Wii U is home to a handful of solid Nintendo titles, and while the GamePad didn’t completely change the living room, it set the bar for the Switch to overcome.
9. Game Boy Advance
Essentially packing the power of a SNES in your pocket, Nintendo’s Game Boy Advance is easily one of the greatest handhelds to have been crafted by the Japanese gaming giant, sporting an incredible library of games and many older SNES classics downsized for gaming on the go – but it’s not perfect, and simply not as iconic as Nintendo’s original handheld. The lack of a frontlit or backlit screen on the original model left fans sorting their own ways of lighting up the screen to play in the dark – or anywhere at all, as the handheld’s screen suffered from annoying glare – but that was fixed with the clamshell Game Boy Advance SP model, which sported a frontlit screen (and later an even brighter, highly sought-after backlit model), before Nintendo downsized the already small handheld to miniature status with the Game Boy Micro near the end of the portable’s life.
The lack of four face buttons meant some SNES ports were a little unwieldy at times, and the SP model lacked a simple headphone jack, but the hardware that was there was impressive and was constantly added to with various add-ons, such as a wireless adapter (for trading Pokémon without a cable) or the card reading e-reader that could scan paper cards with specially printed codes that would provide mini-games, extra levels or classic NES games. Nintendo crushed their rivals with the GBA, but it was eventually superseded by the dual screen DS handheld which had more graphical grunt, a touch-screen and more buttons.
8. GameCube
We’re getting into the territory now of Nintendo consoles that are still very much awesome but for one reason or another not quite as scientifically awesome as they could've been. The GameCube certainly has many memorable titles (Pikmin, Wind Waker, Super Mario Sunshine, Smash Bros Melee), but it’s also not hard to see why it’s the second-least-successful home console the company have made after the Wii U. Its garish, squat design, its piddly little game discs you could accidentally inhale, its total lack of Grand Theft Auto; all of these factors plus the fact that the PlayStation 2 was also a DVD player meant that back in the early 2000s it never really stood a chance. Rumours are rife online that GameCube games will be coming to the Switch Virtual Console, however, reports we very much hope are verified by Nintendo ASAP.
7. NES
The console that started Nintendo’s western domination, the Nintendo Entertainment System was a redesigned version of the gaming giant’s original Famicom system, given a blocky facelift that was reminiscent of a VHS, and even a slot loading system that felt a lot like loading up one of your favourite movie videos. With a library of solid titles such as Super Mario Bros 3, The Legend of Zelda, Punch Out and Mega Man, there was plenty to enjoy about Nintendo’s first western console, but the NES suffered due to its game library too: there was practically anything and everything on the console – and not everything was good.
Many games were incredibly difficult, or close to impossible, graphics were often rudimentary or far too simple, and outside of Nintendo’s first party-titles, quality was often patchy. Plenty of games haven’t aged well and feel almost primitive in comparison to later titles, while the controller was pretty much guaranteed to give you thumb cramps. Still, nostalgia's a powerful weapon, and gamers around the world still celebrate the classic console for its vast library and simple nature – Nintendo even capitalised on their fans and launched the NES Classic Mini to ardent fanfare, limited stock and a dozens of games. The NES is still loved, but it’s definitely not Nintendo’s best.
6. DS
Nintendo originally introduced the DS, a dual-screened, clamshell handheld with a touch-screen, as a supposed ‘third pillar’ between the GameCube and the Game Boy Advance. Of course, as we all know, the GBA was eventually phased out, and the DS was then promoted as Nintendo’s posterchild handheld – and what a handheld it was.
While the first edition of the handheld was arguably incredibly ugly, Nintendo continually revised and updated it. Indeed, the DS Lite model, which sported a slimmer chassis, a slightly larger screen and a variable backlight, is probably the one we all remember. The system had a brilliant array of titles, capable of pushing 3D graphics that were better than the N64's – titles like Metroid Prime Hunters and Super Mario 64 DS showcased the handheld’s graphical prowess, and versatility with a range of game genres.
5. 3DS
Lots of people thought Nintendo were crazy releasing the auto-stereoscopic 3DS on the very same day as the first Apple iPad launched back in 2011, but this is one console that has benefitted rather than suffered from Nintendo’s notorious stubborn streak. When it didn’t gain traction at first, the company just dropped the price and persevered – and eventually it paid off.
The DS may have sold very well, but its successor can lay claim to the objectively (as in, decided by us) better collection of games. Mario Kart 7, Luigi’s Mansion 2, multiple Fire Emblems, Monster Hunters, Phoenix Wright and Pokémon games are just a few of the wonderful titles you can play anywhere, as well as many more older titles once available only in the living room via the Virtual Console. That and the backwards compatibility meaning you can play all your DS games on it anyway make it the superior handheld this side of 2000.
4. Switch
Yes, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is that good.
3. N64
Wacky trident controller and all, the Nintendo 64 is an all-time classic. While cartridges were on the way out in the mid-1990s, as Sony proved, Nintendo stuck to what it knew and offered a console that offered brilliant games in full 3D, up to four-player multiplayer (GoldenEye, anyone?), and numerous add-ons, tricks and classic games that’d keep you occupied for days, even months. Where else could you beam your Pokémon critters you caught on your Game Boy to the big screen in full 3D, and watch them battle it out?
2. Game Boy
Home to Pokémons Red and Blue, Tetris, Zelda, Mario and countless other classics, the little grey portable brick ate up all of your AA batteries simply because you were glued to it for hours on end. Crafted by a team headed by Nintendo’s legendary Gunpei Yokoi, the Game Boy arguably has the greatest industrial design of any 20th century object, and is as iconic as it is ergonomic. It raised the bar for handheld gaming, and brought us some of the longest-lasting video game franchises of all time. Timeless and enduring, the Game Boy simply became your ultimate travel buddy.
1. SNES
At 49.7m units sold, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System is only the seventh-biggest-selling console in the company’s history, but its legacy far outweighs its install base. (It must be made clear here that we're talking about the European SNES model, which may have played most of the same games as the North American variant, but also didn’t look like a Decepticon’s severed head. If we were including that atrocity in this list, it would be just above the Virtual Boy.)
With four face buttons and two shoulder buttons, its controller has inspired almost every gamepad since. Its library is unparalleled, but perhaps most importantly, for every first party classic, there’s a third-party-developed smash hit as well; for every Super Mario Kart there’s a Final Fantasy VI, for every Super Metroid there’s a Super Castlevania IV. It’s a balance Nintendo have never really been able to strike again since, often relying on their own (admittedly fantastic) titles to a sometimes unhealthy degree. Now, Nintendo, where’s that Mini SNES? We’ll take four.
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